Case Studies

I remember the evening I received the call from my best friend's wife saying he was in the hospital dying of cancer. It was like it was just last night. I numbly drove myself there and could hardly believe my eyes when I saw him laying there like that with all the tubes, wires and monitors connected to him, like some diagnostic zombie. When he blinked his eyes open and forced a smile, I could feel mine fill with tears. I sat beside him and felt more comforted by his presence than I'm sure he did by mine. He confessed that he was so scared of dying alone and asked me to promise him that no matter what, I would be there the day he took his last breath. Little did I know the magnitude of the commitment I had just agreed upon?

Weeks went by where I had fallen into an exhausting routine of going to work, going to the hospital and going to sleep late, only to have the cycle repeat. I felt I had made a valiant effort to keep my word and see him daily until I reached the point one evening where I just needed to rest after work and promised myself I would get up early the next day and make up the time I had missed. As I drove to the hospital that morning feeling somewhat refreshed, I was suddenly overcome with an intense sense of urgency. As I raced through the sterile corridors, my heart sank as I saw his lovely wife being held by a family member as she sobbed uncontrollably. I knew then, I was too late. How was I to punish myself to equal the promise I broke? I would take years and years to beat myself up and nothing I ever did would heal the pain of letting my best friend down. I felt I never could be trusted again!